Home again

Well we're back in the cold fresh air of Vancouver waking up in the morning with cold noses and feeling like we need mittens and toques on to stay warm. Can't even imagine having one of those cold bucket showers that we actually found relieving and refreshing in Cambodia. It is so odd that temperatures can be so different and yet we can be transported between them in a matter of hours.

It's strange to be back. There is a fear deep inside me that we won't be able to integrate our experience into our life here. It is easy just to step right back into how things are here and yet I find myself often thinking of our host family. Despite all the communication barriers and cultural misunderstandings, they burrowed deep into our hearts. We were so grateful to have a couple from the Servant's team that can speak both English and Khmer come over a few days before we left the community to translate first the logistics of our leaving and second the emotions surrounding it. I told Ming Kin that we would never forget their family, that they had impacted our lives with their radical hospitality and their lives. As we drove off on April 12, the last thing I saw Ming Kin do was put her hand on her heart and then make eye contact with us. A precious memory. We are friends, despite the disparity in wealth, the distance, the language, the culture.... May we be faithful in supporting our friends in whatever way that means in our lives.

We were hoping that somehow we could "leave well" from our community and we are grateful that we feel we were able to. On the Saturday morning that we were to leave, we went to the market and bought shirts for each of the kids, a few nic nacks for the family and some fruit. We also got some little things for the kids in the community and some fruit for the families. We had a lot of fun going around and trying to express our thanks for the welcome of the community. As with all of our interactions, we never know exactly what we have said but we trust in the language of smiles and laughter and hope that we were an encouragement to them as they were to us. It was beautiful to see their gratefulness for our very small gifts of thanks. The little girls each got one small hairclip and the boys got a very tiny car and they treasured them. This is one thing that has stood out for me during our time here. Their ability to value what they have is amazing. I hope that somehow we can learn to not live in such abundance that we don't even notice when we get something new or are given a gift. Times of celebration and abundance were so meaningful in the context of simplicity.

Probably many of you have heard about the rising rice and petrol prices in Asia. It all became much more meaningful to us after a conversation we had with our host family a few days before we left. We were talking about work and what they got paid (a very common question that everyone knows about everyone else there). Ming Kin makes $60 a month cleaning five half days a week. Vesna and Naree work anywhere from 8-12 hours per day six days a week at the bottled water plant and make $25 each per month. Om Poan's income would be a bit difficult to sort out because he is a motodop driver but we figure maximum $20/month. Adding it all up amounts to $130/month for the whole family. While we were in Cambodia, the price of rice rose to nearly $1/KG. We have been told that each adult family member needs about 20KG per month because it is their staple food (breakfast, lunch and dinner with little else). So for their family, that amounts to $120 per month just for rice, not including any vegetables or fish or other meat. We finally figured out that that is why, between the start of our month and end of our month it was more difficult to eat the rice there. They were likely buying the cheaper rice for $0.50/KG which has many little rocks and almost seems a grey color. It strikes me hard that in the Western world we complain often about rising prices of food or gas but it doesn't even really cut into our way of life. For these people, these price increases can become life or death situations. We're keen to look into some of the reasons for these increases. The main reason for this is because there was a bad rice crop recently, mainly in Vietnam, which has significantly decreased the food supply to Asia. Background to this problem though is Western countries using prime farmland for their own purposes - ie - in Cambodia this land may be used to produce grass seed for lawns in the US and new varieties of wheat seed for NZ and Australian farmers. It could be argued that this brings money into a poorer country, but if it is at the expense of food production maybe it's not so good. How are we involved in this crisis?

My sister came up for our last four days in Phnom Penh. She stayed with the family for one night and then we stayed at the team center for a few days. Her night with our host family was a bit eventful because there was a big fight outside. It sounded like they were throwing things at our house and the yelling was very loud and of course not understandable to us. Ben and I weren't too worried because we had been there long enough that we had a pretty strong sense of safety in that house but it was all a bit much for Crystal. When we asked our family in the morning, they said that people were drinking and playing cards so we're still not sure if it was a fight or if it was a game. We heard our family members moving around during it and the next day we found out they they all went outside to watch. I don't think I would have been game to venture outside of the room personally but the way they were talking about it the next day, it seemed that it was like going to a live theatre performance for them. This fight and yelling happened to coincide with the final buildup to Khmer New Years. Lots of the factories had closed and I think even provided alcohol to help the festivities along that afternoon (the water factory did).

Our time at the team center with Crystal was very relaxing and rejuvenating. As it was Khmer New Year, people had told us that the city almost shuts down because everyone goes to the province (the rural areas of Cambodia). I was a bit skeptical but of course they were pretty much right. It made our time more relaxing though because even the markets were closed. We were able to visit the Royal Palace. The Royal Palace is where the King lives and where they have lots of ceremonies. It is incredibly extravagent and frankly hard to understand when people don't have enough money to eat. We don't really make good tourists so it was good that it was short lived.

One evening we were eating at a place that was very Western in it's prices and food selection. The area that we were sitting in was outside and there were many street kids walking up and down the sidewalk asking for money and selling books. We chatted with them in our broken Khmer (it is beautiful how people's faces light up even if we don't really know that much Khmer) and gave them a little money. The back of the menu had instructions not to talk to any of them and for sure not give them money, a way to shelter the patrons of the restaurant from guilt and interruption. I could see where they were coming from and yet it seemed quite heartless. That judgemental attitude came back to haunt me the next day when I found myself saying to my sister that I didn't think I would choose to go to that restaurant again because then it feels like I can never get away from the poverty. Yikes - I noticed pretty much as soon as it was out of my mouth. Poverty does not come and go depending on whether we feel like dealing with it. It is a reality and a tension to live with and we must face it head on.

So here we are back in Vancouver. We have been back for a week and a day. The first few days were a bit rough, adjusting back but we are feeling "human" again, enjoying connecting up with people we haven't seen for a while. We are staying with the Servants community here. They live live just beside China town, close to the Downtown Eastside. There are two single girls and a couple with a 3 year old and a 6 year old living here and their intention is to develop relationships and offer hospitality to the poor in this area. This has been a good environment to be in as we are starting to understand more fully how life in Canada could look, living simply and intentionly with the poor. Each Tuesday night they have a Creative World Justice group meeting to talk about global issues which has been inspiring also.

In the midst of meeting up with people and getting life in order, we are in the process of discerning what the next step will be. Likely next week, we'll set out to look into a few places for settling long term. We're also looking forward to going to Alberta to meet up with my family before we get back into "real life". Actually this is real life, having time to relate to people, sharing of our journies and hearing of other's. We cherish this time.

Week Four

I'm finally able to get to write an update on this blog- yeah!! Lots and lots of things have challenged, grown, broke me in the last few weeks so it will be nice to tell others of this journey...

Charlene and I are both well, a bit sad that our time here is coming to a close and trying to figure how to finish well. Crystal will be coming to visit for a few days before we head on to Canada - so that is exciting.

Voiceless... a couple of weeks ago (our second week) an Australian couple from the Servants team invited us over for supper. We were very excited... to have english speaking company and a night out... what more could you want. So we told our family in our broken Khmer (broken is to suggest we have some skill- so this may be exaggerating) that we would not be home for tea/supper and that we would be home at 9pm. Interpretation would go something like - "Eating rice, 6 o'clock, no"... pointing below us where we normally eat and saying again "No". And then pointing out the door "Eating rice, 6 oclock" and then pointing back in the house and saying 9 o'clock. We said that a few times and they said some things which made it seem the message was understood. We didn't know the things they said but it seemed like they knew what we were on about.

At our success telling the parents, we thought we could only do well to ensure they had the message by telling their son Sopunet as well.

Anyway, at 7:30ish that evening we got a call from another member of the team asking where we were, because our family were concerned about us not being home and were out looking for us. We tried to call our family so that the couple we were with could tell them we were ok... but the different phone networks don't like to connect to each other, plus the power had gone off (the power going off isn't anything odd or a concern, just added as one more insight to daily life here).

Anyway, I was annoyed with our family. We had told them we were going out with friends and that we'd be home at 9pm and they understood us. And here they were sabotaging our one opportunity to be recharged. They don't need to be concerned about us, we have survived well for however many years on our own... I was annoyed and felt really annoyed at any thought of us apologising for being late. They ruined our dinner out.

To add insult to injury, one of the Servant's team members apologised for us on our behalf (Charlene may have asked her to, but I didn't want to). I wanted them to know that we had done everything right and it was their fault... but I didn't get a chance to ask for that to be interpreted.

Voicelessness... I got quite infuriated and angry from this experience.

Only later (days) after Charlene holding a mirror up for me to see myself, do I have a few insights...
- I speak English, they speak Khmer... it is quite possible that we didn't communicate as well as I thought we had
- We are in Cambodia where the language spoken is Khmer, not English... I should not be annoyed at them for misunderstanding me, they have the right to be annoyed with us. I am to blame.

Fortunately our family are gracious toward us (me) and continue to welcome us into their home and their lives.

Voicelessness... speaking but not being heard

I get the impression lots of people are voiceless in Cambodia. Money talks... if you don't have it, will your voice be heard?

The land and house you own is sold on your behalf at a 'steal' of a price to a property developer.

Charlene is waiting in line at a Caltex service station to buy some goodies. A rich man (driving a Mercedes) and his partner, push in front of the line up by putting their stuff on the counter in front of everyone and expect to be/are served without a backward glance.

A lexus driver (large shiney car that stands out amidst the back drop of dusty moto's that most the population drive) clips an elderly man, leaving him convulsing on the ground. He only stops when he is surrounded by moto drivers and then questions them as to why it is his problem.

What authority tells them that what they have done is wrong... if they have money or power?

I wonder who is voiceless in Canada and Australia?

That was a bit of a breaking experience for me, and it is good. Other things that stand out to my mind that people may find amusing -

It seems that touch between the same sexes is a normal way of expressing friendship. A light hand on the back, or arm, etc. After we had been living with the family for a few days I was feeling my water bottle from the clay pot filter at the house and I noticed a hand on my lower back. I knew it wasn't Charlene, so figured it was Sopunet who is quieter but comes across as a gentle presence. Felt a little odd, but I knew it was fine and I didn't want to react and cause offence.

A few days later I had had a shower (not a shower as such, but scooping cold water over yourself) just before tea/supper. Even with the shower I was still stinking hot and sweating lots. The boys in the family typically go shirtless after their baths and they suggested I take my shirt off. I had already had comments about my white skin the day before so was a little self conscious, and then I'm massive in size in comparison to them and I have reserves and they don't really... so i didn't love the idea but I was still sweating a lot.

So I took my shirt off and started eating tea and trying to chat. Sopunet was sitting next to me on the bamboo table. He started feeling the size of my arm saying "Tom, Tom" which is "Big, Big"and actually a compliment and considered beautiful here. A while later he started stroking my arm hairs, since it is not common for them to have arm hair with him saying "Saat"or "Beautiful". Meanwhile I'm trying to communicate with the parents and a little uncomfortable with the attention but not too concerned. Then it was time to play with the hair on my shoulders, and then my chest hairs. It was a bit uncomfortable but then if it is culturally normal for them I didn't want to react and push him away half way through tea.

Last of all he touched my man boobies, "Tom, Tom". That was a little weird. Fortunately it stopped there. Charlene told me later she was amazed at how well composed I remained. Every shower since then has been taken with as little movement and as much cold water as possible and i have been able to wear a Tshirt every supper since.

We were told the place we were staying didn't have rats. The weekend the family was away we saw rats. Not too much of a concern because all the food is prepared and consumed downstairs while we sleep upstairs, so the rats shouldn't come upstairs inside the house. About a week ago I notices 2 of Charlene's hankies which were on oneside of the room the day before, on the other side in the corner the next day- just near where my head is when we sleep.

We had heard scratching at our feet one night, but saw nothing, and then after noticing the hankies moved, I could hear what sounded like baby rat squeeking during the night from that corner. One corner of the hankies had been pulled down, presumably into their nest, while the remainder was in the room. I discovered some small holes in the mosquitoe net near my head, but Charlene assured me it had just worn through from the matress rubbing on it.

So early last Saturday morning I gradually woke up to Charlene scratching one small patch of my scalp with her finger nail. As I continued to wake up, I didn't think Charlene would scratch my scalp while she was asleep (even though she occasionally does other things in her sleep), and the scratching felt more and more like rodent teeth gnawing and defoliating my scalp. "Oh shit, there is a rat gnawing on my head", I said loudly as I sat up in bed. Fortunately no rat could be found trapped in our mosquito net, and the net was tucked under the matress to ensure the holes weren't exposed. I didn't sleep much more that night. The family blocked up the holes where the rat came up with blocks of wood the next day. I haven't seen signs of them in our room again but still see them downstairs and hear them at night.

Last Thursday morning I had my first experience of a stomach bug since being in Asia (Philippines included) which at 8 and a bit weeks is pretty good going. So around 3 in the morning (about an hour before we normally get woken by roosters and dogs barking), I rolled over and something 'turned' in my stomach. I didn't feel healthy, yet not overwhelmingly bad. At home it would be fine, I'd go to the loo and back to bed. Here it is a bit more of an ordeal.

First there is the mosquito net, then open our bedroom door into the room with Naree sleeping in one corner under a mosquito net, Vesna and Sopunet under another mosquito net in another corner, and Sopunee under another mosquito net in the corner with the trap door. So after shaking the whole house manoeuvring past mosquito nets, unlatch the trap door, climb down the ladder to ground level where OmPon and Ming Kan sleep, try and find my thongs so i don't have to walk in dog pee impregnated dirt. Get past the mob of puppies that crowd around me and start whimpering if I don't give them attention and try and trip me over, open the toilet door, lift the toilet thongs into place over the squat toilet because they don't fit me and I don't want to have to stand in the puddle of nastiness with my left foot. Get a good hold on my pants so they don't go in the puddle of nastiness and then squat for some relief.

I didn't want to have to go to the toilet... way too much effort and only 1 more hour to a more wakeful time. 2 minutes later... I have to go. I got through the mosquito net maze, opened the trap door, carefully maneourved down the ladder (which I thought was the most dangerous part with an unstable bowel), got my thongs on. I'm doing well. Opened the toilet door. I'm not doing well. No time for toilet thongs so bare foot into the puddle of nastiness. Getting my pants down... too late. In some ways squat toilets are a lot easier to clean. Trying to get myself hygienic again not so easy.

Finally I have been sick for the first part of this week. Beginning with the diarrhea my stomach had not been the best, never doing anything bad but just feeling a bit churny and sick on and off. Saturday night, Sunday morning and Monday morning my legs felt achy, so I figured it must have been due to lack of good sleep. A lot of the time I have been here I have felt a little tired and weak and just pace myself figuring it is just heat and using it as a good excuse to talk to people as I walk through the neighbourhood.

So Monday morning I went with La, a guy about my age from TASK on home visitation. I hired a motodopper for the morning and we visited 3 houses. The visitations were for the HALO project which spends time with families where the parents are HIV+ and help to arrange where their children will stay when they die, with the aim to try and keep the kids in their community with care and support from friends and extended family. They then follow up on the children to ensure their wellbeing.

The first place we went was to visit kids and the extended family that was caring for them, while the next two were being with women who had already lost their husbands to AIDS and were themselves sick with the disease.

After the 3rd visit we were meant to go to a forth but I was feeling a bit sick. My motodopper went off to get a cigarette and I said to La that I wasn't feeling that well, and was going to head home to rest. Within about 2 seconds of telling him that my head went light and I remember getting about half way to the ground.

The motodop ride was massaging my arm hard and someone else was slapping my chest. Other people were rubbing my back and my other arm. I was wondering why the motodop guy was back so soon when he'd just gone to get a cigarette. Didn't make much sense, but I felt loved with all the attention and concern and rubs even if they were a little hard for enjoyment. I was out for a couple of minutes and was pretty pale so they probably thought I was dead. They helped me to the families bamboo table and someone fanned me while someone else continued to massage me and the motodopper went to get a tuk tuk cos he didn't want me falling off the back of his bike.

The amount of concern these strangers showed for me was quite moving. Medically, I don't think the hard massaging, chest slapping, etc really does anything useful, but it does show they care and are concerned for someone they don't even know and can't really communicate with. The closeness and physical touch gave an amazing sense of peace to my core. While Western medicine does a great job keeping us alive, I think I would rather die with this sort of attention.

I didn't die though... that thought didn't cross my mind. One of the doctors on the team checked me out and put me on antibiotics. I had fever and headaches and slept at the team centre for the next two days, and then yesterday despite neck pain felt great. Just have to remember to keep having my pills. Neck pain is gone now and all better.

Hope you enjoyed this novel.

Week Three

I'm inspired once again by more nice e-mails saying that this thing does get read. We are already in week three of being in Cambodia which is quite strange. Just under two weeks and we return back to Canada which will likely be more than a shocker to the system.

Since I wrote last, things have gotten more difficult, well maybe I will just speak for myself on here and perhaps Ben will write something later about his experience. Everything started to get to be a bit much last week. I got sick last Thursday which was a very different experience to being sick at home. There really is no place to go in the house. The top floor where our room is is made out of corrugated steel so it is unbearably hot during the day. On the bottom floor, there are bamboo beds (a bit uncomfy), people and dogs. I told our host mom, Ming Kin, that I was sick at supper and didn't want to eat. The idea of not eating when you are sick is foreign here so she was very concerned. She offered me medication which I wasn't game to take and then offered me "caulk shaw" which I understood to be a massage so I agreed to that because I figured it was the best of the options. I laid on my stomach all ready for a massage but unfortunately I quickly found out that this wasn't a massage but was coining. She had a washer which she scraped up and down in one place until the skin was reddened and little bits of blood were seeping through. I couldn't see what she was doing but it felt like she was scratching her fingernail over one piece of skin over and over again. She made about 8 marks 3 inches long on one side of my back and during the whole thing I was trying to concentrate of deep breathing to deal with the pain and think of a way out. Ben came in the room while she was working on the one side and told me in English that it looked like I had been whipped. I think it was around then when I suddenly remembered that our host family has been told that we want to learn about their culture while we are here and so I asked her in my very broken Khmer if she could teach Ben to do it. Ben got a lot of flack for not going hard enough on me but it was a huge relief. I think that type of a treatment could take care of many ailments because the pain it causes could help you forget about anything else you felt.

The sickness seemed to be "the straw that broke this camel's back" (that's a weird saying but you know what I mean). Being sick in combination with dealing with a language barrier, foreign food, a very different level of cleanliness, scary transportation, and lack of sleep all caused me to be unable to cope. I've always been the kind of person that usually just tries to suck it up when the going gets tough but this was beyond me. We ended up going to the team center and staying there for one night and it was amazing that after 24 hours out, some spaghetti and fruit, a good sleep and a lot of reflection and reading, I actually felt refreshed and ready to return and finish well. I believe in a God who is present with us at all times but it is at these times of complete exhaustion of self that he becomes more real to me (maybe not always in the midst but certainly upon reflection). Everything was spinning completely out of my control and yet God was there to hold me during that time and gently bring me back to feeling normal.

We've been able to see a few more things in the TASK programs. There is a project here called Project Halo that looks after orphans whose parents have HIV or have died of AIDS. The program helps to connect these kids with preferrably next of kin to care for them and helps to support them in that process by providing some financial assistance and support from staff. The second house we went to was a grandmother's house who had 5 grandchildren living with her. We visited her at the Buddist temple houses because she is very sick and was unable to care for the family anymore. She was laying in front of the wooden house on a bamboo bed with an IV line running from her wrist to the bag secured above her. Her 18 year old grand daughter was fanning the flies off her wasted away body. It struck me that the grand daughter was smiling and laughing despite watching her grandmother die who was her last support. The grandmother was telling the Project HALO worker that she was worried about what would happen with her grandkids and she didn't want them to end up being somewhere where they wouldn't be loved. There is a lot of desperation here and yet there is a peace and selflessness in the people. I also watched as the Project HALO worker listened and empathized with this lady and her grand daughter. She wasn't able to solve the problem but her presence was an act of solidarity with this family. On all the home visits I have been on, one thing that has stood out to me is the way that the workers just take time to be with people. The amount of need is overwhelming and they have hearts full of compassion that want to help in any way possible and yet resources are limited and so they give people the gift of their presence, of their care and concern. This has been beautiful to watch. I hope that I can learn to do this in Canada.

Home renovations. I started talking about them last time and have come to the conclusion that, at least for this week, they are a daily occurance. Today Om Paun is putting a wall upstairs for another bedroom. The TV used to be up there but it is now downstairs. Their stereo system/TV is very impressive. It seems that most houses have one and they get turned up really really really loud to share with all the neighbors. Sopanni (the 16 year old boy) loves to sing karaoke for the whole neighborhood too. They have been trying to get us to sing but we can't understand the words because they are in Khmer so that has been a good excuse so far. Dancing, on the other hand, was a bit harder to get out of and we actually had a lot of fun dancing especially in our first few days. The only sad part about it is that we generate a crowd because we are white so it is a bit short lived. Most are a bit tentative to join in with us too which is a bit sad.

Kids. There are kids EVERYWHERE. The kids in our community are so friendly. The adults are friendly too but seem to be a bit more suspicious at first. We've been playing lots of little games with the kids. Ben taught our host families boys to play Connect 4 but they seem to not quite understand the strategy. We try to make sure they win at least half of the time but sometimes you have to work quite hard to not win because they miss so many opportunities. We'll keep practicing.

Last night we showed our host family pictures of our families which was fun. They ended up bringing down three photo albums that they had too. They were wondering if Ben had any unmarried brothers for their daughter and the boys seemed to be interested in the picture of Ben's neice, Kiara. The 16 year old couldn't believe how big she was because she was 12 and at least as big as him at 16. We laughed together a lot last night as we shared more of our lives with each other. Communication is so limited that any glimpses we get into their lives are treasures.

I think that is enough rambling for today. It is somewhat therapeutic to write this blog. Still haven't taken any pictures - sorry. Maybe next time. Peace to you all.