Week Four

I'm finally able to get to write an update on this blog- yeah!! Lots and lots of things have challenged, grown, broke me in the last few weeks so it will be nice to tell others of this journey...

Charlene and I are both well, a bit sad that our time here is coming to a close and trying to figure how to finish well. Crystal will be coming to visit for a few days before we head on to Canada - so that is exciting.

Voiceless... a couple of weeks ago (our second week) an Australian couple from the Servants team invited us over for supper. We were very excited... to have english speaking company and a night out... what more could you want. So we told our family in our broken Khmer (broken is to suggest we have some skill- so this may be exaggerating) that we would not be home for tea/supper and that we would be home at 9pm. Interpretation would go something like - "Eating rice, 6 o'clock, no"... pointing below us where we normally eat and saying again "No". And then pointing out the door "Eating rice, 6 oclock" and then pointing back in the house and saying 9 o'clock. We said that a few times and they said some things which made it seem the message was understood. We didn't know the things they said but it seemed like they knew what we were on about.

At our success telling the parents, we thought we could only do well to ensure they had the message by telling their son Sopunet as well.

Anyway, at 7:30ish that evening we got a call from another member of the team asking where we were, because our family were concerned about us not being home and were out looking for us. We tried to call our family so that the couple we were with could tell them we were ok... but the different phone networks don't like to connect to each other, plus the power had gone off (the power going off isn't anything odd or a concern, just added as one more insight to daily life here).

Anyway, I was annoyed with our family. We had told them we were going out with friends and that we'd be home at 9pm and they understood us. And here they were sabotaging our one opportunity to be recharged. They don't need to be concerned about us, we have survived well for however many years on our own... I was annoyed and felt really annoyed at any thought of us apologising for being late. They ruined our dinner out.

To add insult to injury, one of the Servant's team members apologised for us on our behalf (Charlene may have asked her to, but I didn't want to). I wanted them to know that we had done everything right and it was their fault... but I didn't get a chance to ask for that to be interpreted.

Voicelessness... I got quite infuriated and angry from this experience.

Only later (days) after Charlene holding a mirror up for me to see myself, do I have a few insights...
- I speak English, they speak Khmer... it is quite possible that we didn't communicate as well as I thought we had
- We are in Cambodia where the language spoken is Khmer, not English... I should not be annoyed at them for misunderstanding me, they have the right to be annoyed with us. I am to blame.

Fortunately our family are gracious toward us (me) and continue to welcome us into their home and their lives.

Voicelessness... speaking but not being heard

I get the impression lots of people are voiceless in Cambodia. Money talks... if you don't have it, will your voice be heard?

The land and house you own is sold on your behalf at a 'steal' of a price to a property developer.

Charlene is waiting in line at a Caltex service station to buy some goodies. A rich man (driving a Mercedes) and his partner, push in front of the line up by putting their stuff on the counter in front of everyone and expect to be/are served without a backward glance.

A lexus driver (large shiney car that stands out amidst the back drop of dusty moto's that most the population drive) clips an elderly man, leaving him convulsing on the ground. He only stops when he is surrounded by moto drivers and then questions them as to why it is his problem.

What authority tells them that what they have done is wrong... if they have money or power?

I wonder who is voiceless in Canada and Australia?

That was a bit of a breaking experience for me, and it is good. Other things that stand out to my mind that people may find amusing -

It seems that touch between the same sexes is a normal way of expressing friendship. A light hand on the back, or arm, etc. After we had been living with the family for a few days I was feeling my water bottle from the clay pot filter at the house and I noticed a hand on my lower back. I knew it wasn't Charlene, so figured it was Sopunet who is quieter but comes across as a gentle presence. Felt a little odd, but I knew it was fine and I didn't want to react and cause offence.

A few days later I had had a shower (not a shower as such, but scooping cold water over yourself) just before tea/supper. Even with the shower I was still stinking hot and sweating lots. The boys in the family typically go shirtless after their baths and they suggested I take my shirt off. I had already had comments about my white skin the day before so was a little self conscious, and then I'm massive in size in comparison to them and I have reserves and they don't really... so i didn't love the idea but I was still sweating a lot.

So I took my shirt off and started eating tea and trying to chat. Sopunet was sitting next to me on the bamboo table. He started feeling the size of my arm saying "Tom, Tom" which is "Big, Big"and actually a compliment and considered beautiful here. A while later he started stroking my arm hairs, since it is not common for them to have arm hair with him saying "Saat"or "Beautiful". Meanwhile I'm trying to communicate with the parents and a little uncomfortable with the attention but not too concerned. Then it was time to play with the hair on my shoulders, and then my chest hairs. It was a bit uncomfortable but then if it is culturally normal for them I didn't want to react and push him away half way through tea.

Last of all he touched my man boobies, "Tom, Tom". That was a little weird. Fortunately it stopped there. Charlene told me later she was amazed at how well composed I remained. Every shower since then has been taken with as little movement and as much cold water as possible and i have been able to wear a Tshirt every supper since.

We were told the place we were staying didn't have rats. The weekend the family was away we saw rats. Not too much of a concern because all the food is prepared and consumed downstairs while we sleep upstairs, so the rats shouldn't come upstairs inside the house. About a week ago I notices 2 of Charlene's hankies which were on oneside of the room the day before, on the other side in the corner the next day- just near where my head is when we sleep.

We had heard scratching at our feet one night, but saw nothing, and then after noticing the hankies moved, I could hear what sounded like baby rat squeeking during the night from that corner. One corner of the hankies had been pulled down, presumably into their nest, while the remainder was in the room. I discovered some small holes in the mosquitoe net near my head, but Charlene assured me it had just worn through from the matress rubbing on it.

So early last Saturday morning I gradually woke up to Charlene scratching one small patch of my scalp with her finger nail. As I continued to wake up, I didn't think Charlene would scratch my scalp while she was asleep (even though she occasionally does other things in her sleep), and the scratching felt more and more like rodent teeth gnawing and defoliating my scalp. "Oh shit, there is a rat gnawing on my head", I said loudly as I sat up in bed. Fortunately no rat could be found trapped in our mosquito net, and the net was tucked under the matress to ensure the holes weren't exposed. I didn't sleep much more that night. The family blocked up the holes where the rat came up with blocks of wood the next day. I haven't seen signs of them in our room again but still see them downstairs and hear them at night.

Last Thursday morning I had my first experience of a stomach bug since being in Asia (Philippines included) which at 8 and a bit weeks is pretty good going. So around 3 in the morning (about an hour before we normally get woken by roosters and dogs barking), I rolled over and something 'turned' in my stomach. I didn't feel healthy, yet not overwhelmingly bad. At home it would be fine, I'd go to the loo and back to bed. Here it is a bit more of an ordeal.

First there is the mosquito net, then open our bedroom door into the room with Naree sleeping in one corner under a mosquito net, Vesna and Sopunet under another mosquito net in another corner, and Sopunee under another mosquito net in the corner with the trap door. So after shaking the whole house manoeuvring past mosquito nets, unlatch the trap door, climb down the ladder to ground level where OmPon and Ming Kan sleep, try and find my thongs so i don't have to walk in dog pee impregnated dirt. Get past the mob of puppies that crowd around me and start whimpering if I don't give them attention and try and trip me over, open the toilet door, lift the toilet thongs into place over the squat toilet because they don't fit me and I don't want to have to stand in the puddle of nastiness with my left foot. Get a good hold on my pants so they don't go in the puddle of nastiness and then squat for some relief.

I didn't want to have to go to the toilet... way too much effort and only 1 more hour to a more wakeful time. 2 minutes later... I have to go. I got through the mosquito net maze, opened the trap door, carefully maneourved down the ladder (which I thought was the most dangerous part with an unstable bowel), got my thongs on. I'm doing well. Opened the toilet door. I'm not doing well. No time for toilet thongs so bare foot into the puddle of nastiness. Getting my pants down... too late. In some ways squat toilets are a lot easier to clean. Trying to get myself hygienic again not so easy.

Finally I have been sick for the first part of this week. Beginning with the diarrhea my stomach had not been the best, never doing anything bad but just feeling a bit churny and sick on and off. Saturday night, Sunday morning and Monday morning my legs felt achy, so I figured it must have been due to lack of good sleep. A lot of the time I have been here I have felt a little tired and weak and just pace myself figuring it is just heat and using it as a good excuse to talk to people as I walk through the neighbourhood.

So Monday morning I went with La, a guy about my age from TASK on home visitation. I hired a motodopper for the morning and we visited 3 houses. The visitations were for the HALO project which spends time with families where the parents are HIV+ and help to arrange where their children will stay when they die, with the aim to try and keep the kids in their community with care and support from friends and extended family. They then follow up on the children to ensure their wellbeing.

The first place we went was to visit kids and the extended family that was caring for them, while the next two were being with women who had already lost their husbands to AIDS and were themselves sick with the disease.

After the 3rd visit we were meant to go to a forth but I was feeling a bit sick. My motodopper went off to get a cigarette and I said to La that I wasn't feeling that well, and was going to head home to rest. Within about 2 seconds of telling him that my head went light and I remember getting about half way to the ground.

The motodop ride was massaging my arm hard and someone else was slapping my chest. Other people were rubbing my back and my other arm. I was wondering why the motodop guy was back so soon when he'd just gone to get a cigarette. Didn't make much sense, but I felt loved with all the attention and concern and rubs even if they were a little hard for enjoyment. I was out for a couple of minutes and was pretty pale so they probably thought I was dead. They helped me to the families bamboo table and someone fanned me while someone else continued to massage me and the motodopper went to get a tuk tuk cos he didn't want me falling off the back of his bike.

The amount of concern these strangers showed for me was quite moving. Medically, I don't think the hard massaging, chest slapping, etc really does anything useful, but it does show they care and are concerned for someone they don't even know and can't really communicate with. The closeness and physical touch gave an amazing sense of peace to my core. While Western medicine does a great job keeping us alive, I think I would rather die with this sort of attention.

I didn't die though... that thought didn't cross my mind. One of the doctors on the team checked me out and put me on antibiotics. I had fever and headaches and slept at the team centre for the next two days, and then yesterday despite neck pain felt great. Just have to remember to keep having my pills. Neck pain is gone now and all better.

Hope you enjoyed this novel.